When I get old,
I will not consider it a compliment
when told I look younger than I am.
Neither will I appreciate people half
my age calling me young man.
“That’s Mister, or Sir to you young
lady.”
When I get old, I will not care if
teenagers think I’m cool.
I will not try to use youthful slang
and accidentally say something inappropriate.
When I get old I will say inappropriate
things on purpose.
Things I’ve thought for decades but
knew only an old man could get away with.
When I get old, I will not reminisce on
the good old days as if I grew up in the golden age of morality.
As if Marvin Gaye sung about Sexual
Purity.
As if Woodstock was a Billy Graham
Crusade.
No. When I get old, I will remember the
perversity of today and I will not make young people feel like sinners merely
because they were born too late.
When I get old, I will celebrate
progress and see technology as my friend.
When I get old, I’ll amaze the children
with stories about airplanes flying into skyscrapers. And how I was in
Washington at the inauguration of America’s first black president. And how my
uncle was supposed to be his running mate but died when he crashed his truck.

When I get old, I will make stuff up.

When I get old, my vision may blur and
my memory might fade but I will never forget to sing hallelujah every single
day.
When I get old I will be closer to God,
not death
closer to life, not death
closer to home, not death.

When I get old
I will never wish to trade positions
with a younger man.
I will look back on the current me and
be glad that I am no longer him.
When I get old
I will read this poem and see how
arrogant I am for supposing I know what I’ll be like when I get old.
When I get old I’ll write a poem about
how I thought I was a good poet when I was young, but now I actually am.
When I get old I will be the man.
Possessing the mojo of every age,
I will be

Dapper
Spiffy
Smooth
Groovy
Supa Fly
Too Legit
Fresh to Death
Swagalicious
and whatever else the young folks come
up with to describe people like me.

When I get old, I will not care if
teenagers think I’m cool,

'Cause I WILL BE COOL, no matter what
they say.

And my grandchildren will shake their heads in shame.